David (as in little boy giant killer turned peeping Tom king) wrote the majority of the Psalms and was considered a man after God's own heart. He was a mess. A royal wreck. But the man sure knew how to cry out to God. And he cried out about everything, with every emotion, never holding anything back. When David felt abandoned and when he felt His Father's comforting presence, he cried out. You can read an entire range of emotions, a lot of them conflicting, just in the span of two chapters, Psalm 22 and 23.
I took comfort in those loudly proclaimed and dramatic emotions this weekend. Our financial life was put into a bit of a tailspin this past Friday. Everything kind of just caved in at once. I flipped. I called my mom crying, I yelled at my husband, I curled up into a little ball and shook. But for some reason my flesh did not want to cry out to God. I don't know why. Maybe I thought he was sick of hearing about all my petty drama.
So I ended up in my bathtub in the fetal position and my flesh gave into my soul. I started yelling, literally screaming out to God. Of course, it probably just looked like I was having an argument with the showerhead, but I just poured it all out. My fears, my frustrations, my feeling of being abandoned. But along with those cries came the cries of "I know You are good. I know You want what's best for me. You will carry me through this just like You carried me through everything else." And I after I was done with the yelling, it seemed like God said "Now...do you feel better?" And I did.
What I guess I'm trying to get at is we can pray and not really and truly cry out to our Father. He wants us to lay it all out on the table, not being embarassed because He knows it all anyway. Because it's pointless to try to pretty up our problems. He knows we are a disaster. We can use big words and spend hours crafting prayers in our journals, but I think He likes us to yell at our showerheads once in a while, too.
After everything calmed down this weekend, we made some phone calls and, by the grace of God, what was screwed on Friday will be fixed by Wednesday. I think God would have been there for me whether or not I had completely bared my soul, but I'm sure it didn't hurt.
Thanks for stopping by!
oh gracious! just looked at my stats and saw some directs from over here. you're back! so happy!
ReplyDeletebut, then soooo sorry to hear about the snafu. am grateful that it was worked out. sometimes it is hard to reach out to The One we need to most. keep your head up towards Him. :)
again...glad you're back!